


Jurassic Don't

by LilyMaidofAstolat



Category: Jurassic Park - All Media Types, Jurassic Park Original Trilogy (Movies), Jurassic World Trilogy (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 07:05:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14420112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyMaidofAstolat/pseuds/LilyMaidofAstolat
Summary: I just finished watching the original Jurassic Park Trilogy, and started wondering what might have happened if the PR people had tried to get the original trio to endorse the new park…





	Jurassic Don't

Jurassic World was not an immediate success. The fiasco at the Grand Opening certainly hadn’t helped. It was an unprecedented disaster… well except for the last time when people had actually been eaten.

They only reason they had even wanted one of the Doctors involved, had been to lend a degree of legitimacy to the new park. With one or more of the original three endorsing the park, people would really see that there was absolutely nothing to worry about this time.

Doctor Grant would have been ideal of course. He had been incredibly difficult to track down, but they eventually located him on a dig in the middle of the desert in Arizona. They had offered him a frankly obscene amount of money, and in return, the man had actually threatened them with physical violence. Alan Grant wasn’t exactly a young man anymore, but he could apparently still run very fast and was a dab hand at rock throwing. The mechanic said the dents would come out of the back of the SUV, but still…

Doctor Ellie Sattler had been easier to reach, but when they had explained why they were calling, she had laughed hysterically into the phone for a solid five minutes. ‘I’m sorry,’ when she finally stopped laughing, ‘I thought you were joking.’

In the end, only Doctor Malcom had agreed to come.

The first visitors were all VIPs, investors, foreign diplomats, celebrities – the richest and most influential people on the planet.   
They watched in silence as the impossibly tall man with the salt and pepper hair walked onto the stage. He had a leather jacket and sunglasses, not exactly black tie, but the man was a chaos theorist after all.

‘Hello,’ he said, ‘I am Doctor Ian Malcom, and you are all going to die.’

The audience looked at each other in confusion, unsure if this was some kind of publicity stunt.

‘I am entirely serious,’ Doctor Malcom said, he pointed at a man talking on his very expensive cellphone, ‘I sincerely hope that’s your lawyer. You should ask him if being eaten by a dinosaur counts as an act-of-god in your life insurance policy.’

The park’s PR representatives had started to look rather concerned.

On cue, an assistant pushed a covered stand onto the stage.

With a touch of the theatrical, Doctor Malcom pulled off the cover.

The audience gasped.

‘This,’ he said, ‘is an artist’s rendition of a man being torn limb from limb by a raptor. I have left the face blank so you can easily imagine it is that of a friend or loved one, or uhum, in all likelihood yourself.’

He pulled out a long pointer. ‘Notice how this merciless beast has disembowelled her victim while they are still very much alive.’

Tom Cruise turned an alarming shade somewhat akin to cottage cheese and began to walk away, flanked by his security guards.

‘Going so soon,’ called Doctor Malcom, ‘I haven’t even told you about how I saw a personal friend bitten in half by an angry T-Rex yet.’

By the time security got there, people were running in all directions, screaming and above them all on the stage, his arms raised aloft as if to placate a vengeful god, stood Ian Malcom.

‘Life is chaos children,’ he howled ‘and chaos is hungry’, he threw back his head and cackled.

Prince William fainted.


End file.
